Knowledgeable people

I’ve always wanted to share my discoveries with everyone I know. If I made a new friend, I wanted a way to introduce them to all my past discoveries.

When I was younger I could quickly share everything I knew. Now I have too much knowledge to make that possible. I know things I can’t even remember except in the right context. I’m beginning to understand that intellectual people have such a huge amount of knowledge that it’s impossible for them to share it exhaustively. They may have also integrated their knowledge, making it even more unique and valuable!

Such a person has a value that isn’t directly transferable or accessible; the only way they can share what they have is over time, in the right contexts, with friends. They have so much to share that a friendship with them will always be rewarding.

This discovery reinforces for me the importance of identifying committed intellectuals, and the value of spending time with them even without a specific goal. It’s a more principled approach to valuable relationships.

I imagine I have a lot more to learn about this.

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Sharing art is personal

Earlier this evening I was replying to a political thread on Reddit, a site for discussion and link sharing. I carefully crafted and published my comments. Within minutes, I felt a familiar anxiety. Are people reading and liking my comments? Every few minutes I’d reload my comments to see how they were being voted upon. I feel the same anxiety when I write comments for any important internet discussion group; forums, mailing lists, Youtube replies, even thoughtful emails to friends. Why does it matter so much to me? On a site like Reddit, it’s not about money or reputation. Oddly, I seem to care what anonymous readers think!

I asked myself: What is my purpose in writing these comments? I want to exchange ideas with my peers. I want to find my peer group – people who understand my ideas and my approach. I want them to read my careful words and see value in my ideas. Why my emotional response? Because sharing my ideas is personal. That’s when I realized that comments on the internet are nothing compared to the peril an artist faces when publishing artwork.

Art is a selective re-creation of reality according to an artist’s metaphysical value-judgments.” Art represents the artist’s beliefs about reality and self. A work of art encompasses the artist’s craftsmanship, choice of subject, and the passion necessary to bring ideas to life. The artist takes those very personal things and then may choose to share the result with others. The artist’s very soul is being exposed to everyone experiencing her art.

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“Managing Your Mind” (Gillian Butler, Tony Hope)

Amazon Link

I read this book on my flight to Ukraine. I skimmed most of it. It’s a good book, but most of it is inapplicable or redundant after studying Objectivism. The book states that it should be treated like a buffet, so here are the ideas that I found interesting and unique. The rest of this post is snippets from the book itself. Ellipses mine.

A survey of students showed that the main difference between good students and average students was in the ability to get down to work quickly. The first tool of time management is to get to the task at hand.

Make routine your servant.

Every Yes is a No to something else. …the mistake most of us make is to say yes to too many things, so that we live according to the priorities of others rather than according to our own. …Every time you agree to do something, another thing you might have done will not get done.

There is an unwritten message we give ourselves whenever we avoid something. The message is: “This is alarming and scary.” Our attitude builds up an expectation that cannot easily be discomfirmed, because avoidance prevents us from finding out wheather our fears are real. … Your avoidance prevents your finding solutions to the problem yourself, since you never have time to stop and think, nor does it allow you to draw on the wisdom of others or to turn to them for support.
It is crucial therefore, in facing our difficulties, to pay attention to the bad feelings and use them as a prompt to look more closely at what is happening, to clarify exactly what those difficulties are.

Some Rules of Perspective:
Having a problem can dominate your life. Whichever way you turn, the mountain or the cliff edge looms ahead, providing a dispiriting or alarming perspective. The following rules may be helpful when trying to find the most useful perspective.
1. The 100-year rule. Will it matter in 100 years? Will anyone even remember what the problem was? … When you stand beside an elephant, it is extremely hard to see anything else. …
2. The measuring rod rule. Is the thing that is bothering you really the most important thing in your life at the moment? …
3. The middle of the night rule. In the early hours of the morning, when you are lying awake, problems and worries assume insurmountable proportions. In the cool light of day, they can be more truly seen for what they are – molehills rather than mountains. The rule is: Think about them in the morning or during the day. It is always hard to keep things in perspective when lying awake worrying at night. Tell yourself “This is not the time”.
4. The water-under-the-bridge rule, or the statute of limitations. You feel bad about things that you did, or things you did not do. They continue to trouble you long past the time when they should. …

Appearances can be misleading. Many people appear confident even when they are not. It is as if they know they might make a mistake, get things wrong, or put their foot in their mouth, but still behave as if everything will be all right in the end. …

Confidence comes from doing things. … Mistakes are inevitable when you are a novice. In fact, they are an important part of the learning process. Everyone makes mistakes, and they only get in the way if you let lthem undermine your confidence. …

People take you at your own estimation.

Take the zig-zag path. … Don’t worry if you need to take a zig-zag path to your goal. People lacking in self-confidence often feel as if they have to steer a careful, well-planned travel route, to avoid alarming pitfalls. The pitfalls are largely imaginary, and the fear of taking a wrong step is inhibiting and becomes counterproductive.

Make the most of your mistakes and then ignore them. The mistake made by unconfident people is to think that mistakes matter. … Errors are learning. … Mistakes are a source of information.

Be kind to yourself.

…since you can’t change other people, it is not worth trying. …change the way in which you relate to them.

Changes take time.

Work with people as they are. … If you want to bring about some changes in those relationships, you should put away these “if only’s” and accept people as they are.

Stick to the important points. Anthony Flew, the philosopher, used to talk about “the ten leaky buckets argument.” This is putting forward many weak arguments in the hope that together they will add up to one good one – which of course they never will. What you want is one watertight bucket, not ten leaky ones. In reality, many leaky arguments actually weaken a good case. Leaky arguments turn your whole case into excuses rather than arguments.

Posted in Personal, Philosophy | 1 Comment

2010 Review, 2011 Goals

My achievements in 2010:

Health: I solved all of my health problems. I studied, tested, and treated myself for my food allergies+intolerances, and my adrenal+thyroid issues. I exercised effectively. I learned to cook and travel with my diet. I slept enough.

Mind: I improved myself. I read the books I wanted to (Body By Science, GTD, Mind over Mood, etc). I lived in the mountains of Colorado, my dream! I traveled the world, gaining knowledge and reaching useful conclusions about culture and wealth. I decided with certainty where I want to live permanently (Colorado). I improved my clarity in thinking and speaking.

Productivity: I semi-successfully pursued my career in game design by switching to contract work. I studied game design, programming, and educational games. I organized my goals, projects, and data. I struggled toward making my own game company. I slightly improved my motivation. I stopped wasting time on useless games and chat.

Happiness: I became a happier person. I developed habitual honesty. I stopped feeling guilty about my debts and small failures. I came to terms with a childhood problem, allowing me to confront it directly. I met my long-time internet friend, Julia. I made better friendships, also within my own family.

What I wasn’t able to do: Make a game company, make money, or find love.

My goals for 2011, in order of importance:

* Finish my game and create my game company.
* Make plenty of money.
* Study game design seriously.
* Cultivate my friendships.
* Settle down and build a good life in one place.
* Find a good girlfriend.
* Maintain my health achievements.
* Improve my own psychology.

Here’s my notes from the end of 2009:

My achievements in 2009:
Discovered my allergies and conquered them. Studied them, and diet, and nutrition.
Thought about and worked on my capitalism game.
Improved my motivation.
Juggled my finances and kept myself above water.
Moved into a good apartment.
Studied Objectivism.
Improved my web development skills.
Performed at work for half the year, despite the obstacles.
Made some good acquaintances and friends.
Organized my stuff and my computer better.

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The Child Goddess

Today I watched the indie movie/documentary “Catfish” (warning, mild spoilers follow), about a man tricked into believing that a fake online identity is real.  My life is lived online, so the movie speaks to me powerfully.  When I was a teenager, I staged a deception similar to the woman in the movie, though smaller in scale.  I never intended to tell anyone about what I did, but now I want to.

In 1998, when I was about 15, I avidly played the best MMO that has ever been made: Ultima Online (UO).  My parents didn’t allow me much computer time, so instead of sleeping at night, I’d sneak downstairs to use the computer – sometimes to study hacking, mostly to play UO.

My favorite part of UO was the role-playing (RP).  UO enabled RP in a way no other MMO has.  My first character in UO was an ore miner who adventured all over the world trying to find the best ore sources.  After about a year, when I was 16, I felt an urge to roleplay a female character.  It would be novel.  A challenge for the ability to project a realistic female.  Pure roleplay, flamboyant, pretty, and fun.  A study of what I wanted in a real friend.  I conceptualized the character of a girl from a fantasy book: The Child Goddess.  She would be everything I wanted in a girl.  Confident, lighthearted, fun, serious about herself, ambitious, generous, beautiful.  I lived up to all of my goals in playing her character.

She made close friends easily.  I thought of them as real friends.  There’s a saying that “the best lies have an element of truth”.  Deception (and destruction) always relies on a core skeleton of truth (or value).  When creating a fake identity, even in innocent role-playing, the believability comes from the *true* things about the person behind the deception.  This was my realization while watching Catfish.  The deceptive woman truly did love her artwork, she loved the man she was deceiving, and much of what she told him was true about her life.  That was the real basis of their fake relationship.  This woman could have had a *real* honest relationship with a good man.  The saddest thing is that she seemed to realize this by the end.

The Child Goddess had a similar conondrum, and it’s why I stopped playing her after many years.  There’s one night I’ll never forget.  I was 17.  The Child Goddess had a close guy friend whom she spent hours talking with every day.  She invited him to her house in UO, and they were talking over drinks (RP).  After a pause, he told her that he was falling in love with her.

I remember thinking that I *personally* cared for this man too much to continue deceiving him.  I said to him, “I’ve been roleplaying this female character, but I really do like you as a friend.”  He was heartbroken and the friendship was shattered.  He quit the game a month later.  I was heartbroken, too.  To this day I feel bad about my deception.

The friends she made could not be real friends, not because of who “she” was, but because “she” was essentially deceptive.  Playing a character was a betrayal of myself, my own real value as a friend.  It was a waste of my time, a setup of impossible friendships, and a cruel thing to do to honest people, especially the type of people such a great character attracted.

For me, that kind of roleplay started as an experiment, became a way to express myself, a way to enjoy friends, and ended as a way to destroy friends.  I’m not guilty that I tried it.  In a roleplay game’s setting, it’s even expected.  But I took it too seriously and too far.  There’s nothing wrong with roleplay itself, as long as everyone involved knows what is true.

I learned to be honest about myself in all of my relationships.

Have fun roleplaying, really!  And have fun meeting people online.  But keep the context in mind.

Posted in Personal, Virtual Worlds | 6 Comments

How to find a good developer on Craigslist

I’ve been sending out web contracting bids to Craigslist today.  Here’s my advice for employers posting ads there:

  • Don’t mention SEO (Search Engine Optimization).  Good developers automatically build SEO-”optimized” sites, it’s not a primary skill.  Further, most people requesting SEO are fishy.  If you must pursue rankings through SEO, hire a web marketing person separately.
  • Keep it brief, and make requirements clear.  Readers must skim long posts for requirements.
  • Don’t bother with text styling or images, just use good formatting.
  • Only use “requirements” that are absolute for you, because the best developers will respect your requirements, and won’t message you if they don’t fit.
  • Make sure cost estimates are fair so that quality people are interested.
  • Extreme claims about the future success of a new business (“The next Google!!!!”) are not convincing; without evidence, they are crazy.
  • Address your posting to an intelligent audience; they are your target, no one else.
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Dance Tempo seating app

I made this in collaboration with a dance studio client a while back.  It’s my best full product to date.  It’s done using Flex, PHP, MySQL, and Amazon Payments, with a touch of Javascript for the login.

http://dancetempo.com/

A couple of years ago, I made an initial version using purely JavaScript, no Flex: http://dancetempo.com/demo1 .  However, cross-browser compatibility and performance are nightmares in JavaScript RIAs.  I remade the current version in Flex and I’m very happy with it.

I think it would sell well, but I don’t have time to market it to dance studios or venues, and I don’t have money to hire someone to do that.  I’d even be happy to have someone do that on commission, but I don’t know where to find such a person.

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RealChatty, my ChatRoulette clone prototype

I made this simple app a while ago to experiment with Adobe’s Stratus P2P service, which is awesome.

http://realchatty.com/

The source code is Free, too:

http://realchatty.com/realchatty.zip

I love having this up on the web with my name on it, hopefully I can do more projects like this in the future.

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Twitter: I’m on it

http://twitter.com/AdamThompson12

It will be focused on my work.  I added a widget to the bottom right menu of this blog.

I was convinced to try it by a post on OActivists.  Here’s what I wrote there:

This post has convinced me to try Twitter, finally.  I’m a software developer with some interest in social media, but I’ve avoided Twitter because it’s the opposite of how I like to get information.  I like my info to be targeted, deep, and carefully designed.  My favorite source of information is books, then articles and long blog posts.  Short things like “Here’s a recipe” or “You should avoid doing X in software” have some value, but it’s minuscule compared to deeper reading and not what I want to spend time reading.

It sounds from this thread like perhaps Twitter is a good way to find more complete information.  It could be targeted if I only follow people who are 100% dedicated to the subjects I’m interested in.  So I’ll try it, thanks!

Posted in Personal | 1 Comment

Lab Results: Thyroid, liver, renin

Here is a comparison of last year’s lab results to this week’s results, with my interpretations.

February 2009 context

  • General blood test
  • Very high stress in my life
  • Diet is a standard American diet, with undiagnosed gluten, casein, and other intolerances, and constant food allergies.
  • 12 hours of fasting, except for eating 3 eggs six hours before the test, and I’m allergic to eggs (itchy skin, mild rash, adrenal response, etc).
  • Due to the diet, stress, and immune response to eggs, I consider some of this test’s results skewed, but also informative of my conditions prior to improving my diet.

April 2010 context

  • It was taken two weeks after I had reduced my stress significantly, after a 12 hour fast, and after one week of a 100% pure meat diet, during a time of zero digestion problems or allergic reactions.  I have been on a mostly-meat diet for a few months.
  • It was taken 5 days after a high intensity, muscle exhaustion, workout.  I was not feeling sore at the time of the test.
  • I have been supplementing 1 teaspoon of salt daily.  I stopped 24 hours before the test.
  • I have been taking ~20mg cortisol daily (as Isocort – the whole adrenal complex) for several months.  24 hours before the test, I stopped supplementing, except for a 3mg dose 12 hours before the test (because the adrenal gland in my chest started to feel sore).
  • I had been taking 3-4 grains prescription desiccated thyroid daily for the past month, but lowered this dose to 1 grain daily, two weeks prior to the test.  I stopped supplementing 24 hours before the test.

Results

Test 2009 2010 Reference
Thyroid TSH 0.655 1.200 0.450-4.5
Total T4 8.2 - 4.5-12.0
Free T4 - 0.99 0.82-1.77
Free T3 - 2.3 pg/mL 2.0-4.4
Reverse T3 - 251 pg/mL 90-350
Adrenal Renin [upright] - 6.89 1.31-3.95
Aldosterone [blood] - 29.3 1.0-16.0
Liver Protein, Total, Serum 7.3 7.9 6.0-8.5
Albumin, Serum 3.9 4.9 3.5-5.5
Bilirubin, Total 0.4 1.2 0.0-1.2
Bilirubin, Direct - 0.27 0.00-0.40
Alkaline Phosphatase, S 148 58 25-150
AST (SGOT) 43 67 0-40
ALT (SGPT) 96 45 0-55

Interpretations

These are my interpretations as a self-educated layman.  I’m not a medical professional, so I could easily be wrong, but I stand by my judgments, and I’m always open to new information.  Sometimes I make guesses, but I try to be as informed as possible.

It’s important to remember the huge changes I’ve undergone in the past year: Vastly less stress, complete removal of caffeine, change to a low/no-carb meat diet that eliminated the effects of chronic food intolerances and allergies, micronutrient supplementation, a recent increase of exercise in the form of weekly high intensity workouts, and recent adrenal and thyroid medication.  Because so many factors have changed, comparison between tests is risky.  The most recent test is the important one.

TSH – Doubled, still on the low end of normal.  I think this could be due to increased pituitary function, or a response to the 24-hour desiccated thyroid removal prior to the test.  Rising TSH means rising pituitary signaling for thyroid hormones.  It’s unlikely to be a long-term response to lowered thyroid hormones, since I’ve been medicating thyroid.

Free T4 – This is on the low end of normal.  I think this suggests primary hypothyroid. or a response to the two-week lowering of desiccated thyroid.  The half-life of T4 is about a week, so there would be plenty of T4 if my desiccated thyroid medication were sufficient, and too much T4 if my thyroid was also functioning normally.  However, it’s possible that the T3 or T4 in desiccated thyroid has suppressed normal thyroid function.

Free T3 – Same story as Free T4.  The half-life of T3 is about one day, so I think this in-reference result suggests that I’m producing a fair amount of T3 naturally.

Reverse T3 – This is within reference but high.  I have read that the (FT3/RT3*100) ratio should be above 1.0, mine is 0.91, slightly indicating excess RT3.  A solution to this could be replacing some desiccated thyroid with synthetic T3.

Renin – Way above reference.  This was measured upright, at noon, after 24 hours of stopping salt supplementation, with plenty of hydration.  Renin regulates the release of aldosterone.  This indicates that my pituitary function is more than sufficient.

Aldosterone – Way above reference.  This renin/aldosterone result is a bit confusing to me.  I think it indicates that my adrenal function is more than sufficient, and/or that my adrenal supplementation is excessive.  Maybe instead it’s a result of my diet, or my test preparations like 12-hour fasting?  Also, I’ve read that high results here can be due to exercise (again, my workout), and due to adrenal supplementation.

Protein, Total – Perfect.

Albumin – Good.  High level indicates against liver disease, inflammation, bad digestion, and malnutrition.

Bilirubin, Total – Above reference.  This could indicate liver disease.  However, it could also be a result of hormone medication, or of stopping adrenal supplementation prior to the test.

Bilirubin, Direct – Good.

Alkaline Phosphatase – Good, down from last year.  This indicates against liver disease.

AST – Above reference and higher than last year.  This could indicate liver disease, but this test is affected by echinacea, which is included, unfortunately, in the Isocort I’m supplementing.    It can also be affected by exercise (again, my workout).  I don’t trust this result.

ALT – Normal and down from last year.

A few disconnected things not in the test – A pupil dilation test indicates a problem.  My blood pressure is typically low, averaging 100/68.  My ferritin test result is high.  My body temperature averages 97.7 now, and I often feel cold.  My weight is 148 pounds.  I don’t crave salt.  I supplement salt, iodine, selenium, magnesium, a B-complex, and a multivitamin.

Questions

  • What is the meaning of high renin combined with high aldosterone?

Future

  • Reduce adrenal and salt supplementation.  Replace Isocort with something more pure.
  • Increase thyroid medication back above 1 grain, and look into a synthetic T3 prescription.
  • Re-test renin and aldosterone without a recent workout and with less adrenal supplementation.
  • Re-test liver without echinacea and without a recent workout.  Get a more complete test, if possible.
  • Continue supplementing selenium, B complex, iodine, and multi, in order to help T3 conversion.
Posted in Health | 4 Comments